The Fool in tarot represents a free spirit, new beginnings, innocence
(image source: wikipedia.org)
Today I woke up feeling optimistic. I turned on the television, and watched as President Biden was sworn into office. I ate oatmeal for lunch, and watched as President Biden signed his first executive actions. I got ready for work as the First Family entered the White House for the first time.
I sit here and reflect upon the last year, and every feeling and reaction I've had to the horror and sadness that has impacted every American. At the moment I feel relief.
I feel good going into my final semester as an undergraduate.
I think back to four years ago to when I was 22. I was working at a daycare, and hating every second of it. I had been applying for jobs for three years at that point, and felt trapped. I had no skills or experience other than childcare. I was enrolled at a community college, and saw that the library was hiring a student aid. I didn't think for a second that I would get the job.
I remember leaving the interview cheesing so hard my cheeks hurt. I went to work at the daycare, and got a callback the same day offering me the job.
Best job I ever had. The reason I decided to become a librarian.
Back in March, I was laid off like many other Americans. I spent a few months in limbo, unable to find work while trying to fast track my graduation date.
I was fortunate enough to have parents who were able to support me. I know many others can't say the same.
It's
hard on the mind to be an unemployed 26 year old living with their
parents. My grades started tanking. I lost my health insurance. I felt
myself slipping into depression, and I felt there was no way out.
This past year has been hard on everyone. The social injustices, the atrocities against humanity - it felt as though the powder keg that has been the past four years finally exploded.
I only hope the future is as bright for the world as I think it will be.
I found work again at a library. I'm able to pay off my school debt. I have a warm home, and a supportive family. There are many good things coming my way, and I pray to the Gods that that's the same for everyone else.
I am a 26 year old burnout. I have two silly cats. I enjoy reading, and playing the guitar. I'm going to graduate with my Bachelor's in Information Studies this Spring, and in the Fall I'm going to start my Master's. I'm on a quest to find happiness and I have a loooot of plans to do just that.
(image source: giphy.com)
Cat Tax:
Shadow (she follows me everywhere)
Turkleton (my dad named him don't judge)
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I was so happy when I saw your Tarot image, Jennifer! I love Tarot artwork, and that deck in particular. I built a kind of Tarot randomizer for a friend; you can see it in action here: Tarot art randomizer. :-)
ReplyDeleteI can also totally relate to your post (plus cats-in-post)... and I am so glad you have found your direction with the wonderful world of the library and librarians. I almost went back to school to get a library degree when I quit my regular professor job (I was a total mismatch for the department I was in); I was all ready to go back to school at the age of 31 to get a master's and start my career over when I landed this online teaching job. And I actually see my job teaching this class as being kind of like an online librarian, trying to hook people up with wonderful books and other cool online things that will inspire their writing. And since you are in both classes, you will get to browse the WHOLE "library" that is this class. I am so curious to find out what will get your attention! And after yesterday (I'm writing this on Jan. 21), I'm actually daring let myself feel some hope again. We can BE the light, like Amanda Gorman told us! (transcript)
The tarot randomizer is so cool - thank you for showing me! I also love tarot artwork, thought I only have two decks at the moment: The Rider Wait and Pagan Otherworlds (I saved up for awhile for this one!). I'm also happy to have found my direction in librarianship. As much as I love reading, I'm not sure why I didn't think to follow this career path sooner! I have a librarian mentor who works with OER, and is teaching me all about it. When I was reading through the class wiki, I was really excited to see that you incorporate OER into this class! I'm excited to browse through the class 'libraries' and especially learn about India's myths. I'm sure there's so many interesting stories! As far as Amanda Gorman goes - she is so inspiring and I'm sure she will be a shining star. Her poem is wonderful, and I agree - we can be the light :)
ReplyDeleteYes yes yes to OER and OU Libraries: is that Jen Waller you are working with? She is my go-to person for OER in Bizzell, and she is fabulous. It is thanks to Bizzell's OER/OpenOU program that we have all the Amar Chitra Katha comic books for this class on reserve too. I am such a fan of Bizzell in every way. :-)
DeleteNo actually her name is Jamie Holmes - we both work at Tulsa Community College. I've been to Bizzell a few times but I've never had the pleasure to meet any of the librarians! It's a wonderful library thought, I love to explore it!
DeleteOh, that is so cool to know: now with Dr. Biden in the White House people are finally going to start to give community colleges the respect they deserve too! And if you are ever going to be in Bizzell, see if you can schedule a time to meet with Jen Waller. You use Twitter I think you said, right? Here is her Twitter: @jenniferwaller. She is awesome! :-)
DeleteHi! I really like how open, honest, and vulnerable your post is. Instead of just stating some simple facts about yourself you really dove into the struggles you have been facing, especially this last year. I am so sorry to hear about how this year has affected you. It has been so awful, but hopefully this year will be the beginning of healing. Your cats are adorable! You are also a really good writer. This post was written more like the into to a novel than a class assignment. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteWow - thank you so much Carly! I appreciate your feedback, and I also hope this year treats you well!
Delete- Jennifer
Hi Jennifer! Your post really resonates with me, especially since I went through a lot of the same struggles last year, and it was nice seeing that even though you had all these troubles you're still trying and searching for your happiness. Also, your cats are so adorable and I love their names, especially Turkleton's! Good luck this semester and in getting your master's degree.
ReplyDeleteHi C.L. - I'm sorry I'm so late in replying! I'm glad you like my cats, I really love to show them off. Both of my parents actually named them! I've never been good at naming things lol. Thank you for your well wishes, and I also hope you have a great semester! -JDB
DeleteHi Jennifer! This is one of the most open and vulnerable posts that I have read and it is very inspiring. I am glad you can talk about your story and talk about your growth and that is awesome to hear and we are all rooting for you! Congratulations on being so close to graduation and I am excited for you to start your masters! Even though I am allergic to cats the closest I will get to them is looking at pictures and your cats are absolutely adorable!
DeleteHey Jennifer! Thank you for sharing your story! It was really meaningful for me to read as a 22-year-old about to graduate college who is absolutely terrified of having a “dead period” if I don’t figure out what I’m going to do right this very second. I’m actually planning on getting my masters in LIS, too! I’m little scared that maybe I don’t know what I’m getting into, but I’m very passionate about all the things that go into work as a librarian. It makes me excited to see that there are people like you out there. I know it sucks to feel burnt out, but I hope it’s comforting to know that your story was uplifting for me! Feel free to reach out if you ever want to chat. I’d love to hear any advice you may be able to give me. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Erin! Sorry for the late reply. I think it's natural to be afraid of what comes after college. There's structure to being in school, and then you're just kind of thrown into the real world. I bet you'll have no issue finding your path! Especially if you plan on going into the LIS grad program! I've completed 12 hours of it already, and I really love it. The professors are really cool (especially Dr. Marten). I've actually enjoyed all of the classes, which is funny because I usually dread having to do school work. I'll extend the offer to chat right back to you — and if you have any questions absolutely ask me! I'll be happy to answer them!
DeleteJennifer, I love your cats so much! I think that your dad did a great job naming Turkleton. Your post was very personal and I appreciate you opening up to us like that. 2020 was an absolutely insane year and I am just so happy that all of us made it to 2021. I think that the future will be much brighter for everyone as well. I am very glad to hear you were able to get another job at a library. I wish you the absolute best of luck in graduating and returning for your master's!
ReplyDeleteThank you Matea! I think my Dad is proud of his naming Turk as well lol. His name definitely suits him! I appreciate your comment, and I hope the future brings you the best of luck as well!
DeleteHello Jennifer! Your post was well-written and I'm so happy to hear about all the good things that you've got going for you, but my absolutely favorite part of your post was meeting your cats. My family has cats but I couldn't bring my kitty with me to Norman, so seeing Shadow and Turkleton was delightful. I love Turkleton's name by the way, is there a meaning behind it or is it just a funny name? I hope you have a great semester!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, Rebecca! I'm sorry you had to leave your cat at home — I think that's one huge downside of dorm living is not having pets. I understand it, but college is stressful, and animals can help! As for Turk's name, we got Turk in 2010 when my Dad was rewatching Scrubs. Dr. Kelso would call Dr. Turk Turkleton and my Dad just thought it was funny I guess! There's a clip:
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co_rJCCWXQ4
Hi Jennifer! I enjoyed how real you got in this post. I also got laid off back in March (thank you, OU Housing & Food...) but I was lucky to nab a paid internship for the summer so I was very lucky there. I think it is so cool how you want to be a librarian! Reading is my favorite thing to do, so I sometimes wonder why I haven't gone that route. Good luck with your Master's!!
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! I'm so sorry you got laid off — last year was crazy for so many people and I couldn't believe how many people were just dropped from their job. I'm happy you found a paid internship! Reading is also my favorite thing to do, so I'm not sure why I didn't think of librarianship sooner! Thank you for your comment — I wish you luck with everything!
DeleteHey Jennifer! I am sorry for all the suffering you went through this past year, but it is great to hear that you feel back on track now. I used to have a summer job as a camp counselor during high school, so I can relate to some aspects of the childcare job you worked, but I was helping with elementary and middle school kids, so probably a lot less work! Good luck graduating this year and pursuing your master's degree!
ReplyDeleteThank you Robert! I feel much better as the year progresses, and all the wonderful comments of encouragement on this post have helped significantly! It's a great reminder of how truly wonderful people are — especially during tough times. I really enjoyed working with older kids, and I agree that they were a lot less work! You could joke around with them and they would be able to joke right back. Thank you for you comment, and I wish you luck with everything as well!
DeleteHey Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteLet me just begin by saying I loved how open you were to discuss your difficulties that you went through. Not many people want to show the vulnerable side of themselves. I am so glad that you were able to find work where you are happy. I know 2020 was a rough year for everyone and some people are still on the road to recovery. It brings me joy that you are about to graduate and start on your masters. I wish you luck on your future endeavors!
Thank you Krishna! I'm not usually such an open person, but I suppose it all has to come out some way! I appreciate your comment, and I wish you luck on everything as well!
DeleteHi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your story and how you shared such personal details. My father is a teacher and experienced many similar signs of depression during the school year. Luckily, he did not lose his job. I am so proud and inspired by your story, as a lot of people would not have the strength to come back to school after experiencing such hardship. I hope your semester is going well and that you continue to strive.
Thank you Ashley! I was very fortunate to have such a supportive family, otherwise I'm not sure I would have stayed in school! I'm sorry your father experienced depression — I know many teachers who have as well. I'm sure teaching is difficult in general, but the pandemic didn't help any. I also hope your semester is going well, and I wish you luck with everything!
DeleteHey Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteI like how open you are in your post. Taking the time to honestly reflect on yourself can be difficult and doing so publicly takes a tremendous amount of courage. It seems like you have gotten back into a mental space where you can be optimistic about the future, which is great to hear. Perhaps the things that has helped me the most when I feel like I’m failing at something or at life in general is to stop comparing myself to others. There’s a lot I’m failing at compared to other people my age, but there are also things that I’m excelling at. It can be hard to focus on the things we’re doing right, but we all have our own strengths and weaknesses and move through things at our own pace.
Thank you Connor! I agree that comparing yourself to others doesn't help at all — I'm guilty of doing this! I've deleted most of my social media accounts and that's helped a lot. I also think we tend to focus more on our failures instead of recognizing our strengths and success. I appreciate your comment, and I wish you luck with everything!
DeleteHi Jennifer! Thank you for sharing your story! But I know that you have inspired me that you can get back up on your two feet! I am glad to see that you are graduating soon and continuing with attaining your master’s degree! Good luck for that! And, your cats are very adorable! And the GIF you added is so relatable and funny! Good Luck for your future endeavors!
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon, Jennifer! I can tell you that we all appreciate you sharing your story. Although everyone and their situations are unique, many of us have experienced similar tough scenarios. Your story is very inspiring and I wish you nothing but the best! I would also like to say that your cats are adorable! Good luck with any upcoming finals you may have and good luck with your Master's as well!
ReplyDeleteHey Jennifer! I'm glad you've found some optimism lately, it definitely has been in short supply. I can relate to the idea of being a burnout - for what it's worth, I'm 32 (yikes, right?) It's really great that you're graduating and that you've found a job that makes you happy. I hope you've had a good semester, and good luck with your finals!
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